He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
