This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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