Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
