even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
