I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
