I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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