we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
