He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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