you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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