morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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