i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
