I skipped work to stalk him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
