I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
