I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
