if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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