I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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