He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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