I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
