i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
