i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
