Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
