EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
