My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
