can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
