Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
