At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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