Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
