This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
