she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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