im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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