So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
