I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
