i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
