That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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