we have officially mastered the walk of shame
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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