Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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