we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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