I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
