so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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