So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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