I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
