It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
