Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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