I think I died a long time ago.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
