I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
