That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
