i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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