Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize