Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
