Need sex. Gaining weight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
