I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
