dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
