told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
