I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
