If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
