I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
