i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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