I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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