trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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