I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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