your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
