you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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