uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
where are you?
Hypothermia
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
