Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think my fart just growled at me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
