yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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