No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
