She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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