so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
