he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
