does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
