i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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