Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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