I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
