I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
