you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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