i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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