I think I died a long time ago.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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