The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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