I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
