dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
