i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
