Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
