I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
