youre lurking in front of me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
