So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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