I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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