Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
